For all the Asian Men: I receive thousands of emails and questions from fans and Asian men, and one of the most predominate things asked is: “How do I know if she’s interested in dating Asian men specifically?”

 

I know the technical answer but I’m always hesitant because, on a holistic level, it’s not empowering to Asian men as a whole. I believe that the thousands of men that email me with this question are displaying what is called “learned helplessness” and will only make a move on women that distinctly display more forward dating behavior and turn into the beta male. I will answer this question, but by doing so, I am doing a disservice to Asian men because they will only look for this behavior and not talk to other women. As you can see, I am a very average looking man. I’m 5’5” and not in the best shape. Every woman I’ve dated is physically if not socially out of my league. I never get those kind of indicators. You should never expect them.

On one of my many flights I encountered a beautiful blonde knockout – she was head to toe gorgeous, gregarious and…a bit daunting. Nevertheless, she took me a little by surprise because she made verbal indicators of interest to me that made it very clear that she liked Asian men. Here is a list of some of the things she (and other women in the past) have done to let me know they want a samurai in shining armor:
She has “Asian-Dating Experience”: She will say that she has dated an Asian man before. She will make this point and even further – she will try to guess your ethnicity to show that she’s “learned in the ways of Asian men” and can prove that “not all of you look the same.” There have been times where I can’t obviously prove it, but she’ll say she’s dated a man of my ethnicity to make her seem more appealing to me.

She has Asian friends: Her best friend is Chinese. Her college roommate was Korean. She lived next door to a Cambodian family. Even if they don’t have these experiences they’ll say they have some sort of Asian acceptance to make her seem more receptive. They’ll use the most random things as well; a really random story I’ve heard is how one girl’s delivery room doctor was Asian, so since she was “born into the arms of an Asian man” she should “die in the arms of an Asian man as well.” The point is, they are trying to form some sort of connection.

She “knows” an Asian language: Maybe you’ve seen this type – they put Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. under “languages you know” on Facebook even though they really only know how to order pho. For these loquacious ladies, I propose a tip – every woman wants to be cultured. You, as a comso man of the world, are going to teach her a phrase in your language. Here’s an example for you Chinese speakers. First, act very serious and say something like “Let me teach you something. You’ll find this useful in the far reaches in my country. Say this: Wo yao ni de jiba!” and make her repeat it. She’ll ask “what did I say?” And you’ll say “You just said ‘I want your cock.’” But then go from playful to romantic. After she laughs off her embarrassment, use your phases to compliment her. Teach her “Wo hao xi huan ni de xiao” and, after she repeats it, she’ll ask again. You’ll say “it means ‘I really like your laugh.’” And she’ll laugh again. Keep going but turn it from playful to romantic. “You have beautiful eyes,” or “Your smile is amazing,” are flirtatious phrases shrouded in a learning experience. Girls who have had the pleasure of this situation tell me it’s unique and something they’ve never forgotten. Be sure to utilize it if you know your mother tongue!

She loves Asian food: Be it sushi, Korean BBQ or Pho, she is an Asian food “connoisseur.” If this comes up, use visual imagery to paint a picture in her mind that appeals to all five senses. The sweet taste of jasmine rice, the aroma of a steaming bowl of pho, the appealing colors of nigiri sushi, the crackling sound of cooking your own Korean BBQ, and the cold, soft texture of delicious sashimi are stimulating and even arousing topics. Why, you ask? Because speaking of food like this is sensual…just like sex. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? It applies to beautiful women too.

She loves Happas: They’ll typically make a comment on how interracial babies are beautiful. You can bring this up as well. “Just think…if you and get married and we had a litter of interracial puppies…can you imagine how beautiful they would be?” It plays into her fantasy. Just as we men have sexual fantasies, women have “family fantasies.” They’ll deny it and push it out of their minds to stay emotionally detached, but keep in mind that, by the end of this or any conversation you have with a female interested in you, she’s already imagined your future life and family…just as you’ve imagined sleeping with her.

She Has Input on Your Nation of Ancestry: Even if she has no concrete plans, she’ll express her desires to go there. With the Japanese tsunami, she’ll express sympathy – do not take this as generalizing, she’s just trying to reach out to you. Play into these fantasies when you can. Paint a picture about going on a vacation together. Start with romantic depictions of you doing things together, then progress to sensual and end up with sexual. We have to open that door first through verbal imagery progression. Surfing to walking hand in hand sipping on margaritas and coconuts then you’re rolling around in the sand kissing. Use her desire to your advantage.

She’s a gamer or anime-lover: They express interest in anime and gaming. I’ve always found this group of women to be…how shall I say, unattractive. If she likes them, fair game, that’s up to her. If she’s talking about how Akira’s going to be whitewashed then she’s trying to relate to you. The latter kind of woman wants to impress you with her knowledge of the “Asian male plight.” She’s hoping to get you to a point where you say something to the effect of “that is so amazing how much you understand!” Watch for that and indulge her.

She loves Asian music: Kpop, Jrock, dramas and movies – this kind of girl is infatuated with the Hollywood of the East. They’re probably younger and more attractive, as this is a relatively new phenomenon, but because there’s no representation of SE Asians then she may not go for you if you’re, say, Cambodian or Viet. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but I can’t ever think of a time I was successful with this kind of girl despite my PUA mastery. Sometimes, she just simply will not have anything less than a BIGBANG boyfriend.

She enjoys martial arts: I’ve never witnessed this personally but one of my clients is a former NA martial arts champ and he’s currently pretty famous action director and stuntman. He’s written to me on several occasions about the groupies that follow him and people in his circuit – a plentiful selection of physically fit and attractive women are constantly at his discretion. If she mentions Nam Pham or Manny Pacquiao…ding ding ding! You have a winner!

She’ll compliment your Asian attributes: Be it your eyes, hair, or skin tone, she’s going to love them and let you know it at some point in the conversation. Take her up on it when she does by putting your forearm up to hers, or if you feel more comfortable or if the conversation is going well, take her hand to point out the contrasting tones. Intangible things like intelligence, family, work ethic, second language are not uncommon topics either. Women learn through encouragement while men learn through challenge (if you tell a girl she looks sexy in that dress, she’ll probably wear it again). Just as we were little boys, we do melt under the praise of a beautiful woman. When she praises my accomplishments such as education or that knowledge of a second language, she’s trying to help me learn.

In the long run, what I’ve discovered with women that specifically that like Asian men are either relationship material or sugar daddies. They’ll enjoy being there, but be careful because you’ll get tied down quickly with a girl that chose you; not a girl you chose. If you haven’t had the chance to play around then I’d save these girls for later – after all, you’re here to learn pick up, and quitting the game early isn’t fair to yourself and to the many women you have yet to meet.